Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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