wrigley field is MILF paradise
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
