How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Panties = found
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
