So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
