ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We named our party play list daddy issues
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
