pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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