And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
