We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
