jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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