Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize