I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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