Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
