eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
