mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
