my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
