I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
