Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just google imaged poop.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
