there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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