Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
