I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
