70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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