Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
