Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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