Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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