where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Are my feet made of real feet?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
