I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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