South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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