I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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