oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
