His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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