you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
