Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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