This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
