he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
