just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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