She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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