Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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