you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize