It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
