at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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