Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
