First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
