I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
