When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
