who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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