I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
