i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
