Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He has the fingertips of a God
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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