I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
