last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
