you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
