Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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