Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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