I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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