I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
