you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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