Cold hands, warm shart.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
