Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
