1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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