The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i came on her dog
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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