So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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