Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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