Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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