You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
