Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
