Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
