last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
