For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
