she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
