I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
