Moan for me like Helen Keller
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
