Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize
