I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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