I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
