Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
