Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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