he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
