found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I didn't notice because vodka
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
