I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
