I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
